


When My Love is Away

by Dannell Lites Archivist (offpanel_archivist), kerithwyn



Series: The Mon-El Sequence [3]
Category: DCU (Comics), Legion of Super-Heroes (Comics)
Genre: Angst and Drama and Sex, Levitz Era Legion, Multi, good old fashioned sexual healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2020-11-08 06:03:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20830598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/offpanel_archivist/pseuds/Dannell%20Lites%20Archivist, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kerithwyn/pseuds/kerithwyn
Summary: After suffering a psychotic episode and nearly killing Shadow Lass, Mon-El returned to the Phantom Zone. But the mortal wreckage left in the wake of his rage suffers lasting consequences. A sequel toMon-Elby Dannell Lites, an AU version of LSH v3 #23 “Back Home in Hell.”





	1. Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> by Kerithwyn Jade with Dannell Lites  
Based on a premise and story by Dannell Lites
> 
> This story takes place between Dannell’s works [Mon-El](https://archiveofourown.org/works/564591) and [Passing the Love of Women](https://archiveofourown.org/works/564743).
> 
> The end notes contain continuity and writing notes relevant to the structure of this fic, so it might be useful to read those first. Links within the text lead to relevant other stories on AO3 or comic book images on Flickr.
> 
> This is for Dannell, twenty years too late.
> 
> And for GreenyGal and Bonita del Rio, who were there commenting when it started.

### Brainiac 5

Time to pay the piper.

Humanity—of the many worlds, in its many variations—finds various ways to express guilt and regret. Were I human, I might cry or beg forgiveness, or otherwise abase myself. But I am Querl Dox, Brainiac 5, the pride of Colu. Millennia of careful genetic manipulation resulted in my 12th-level intelligence. I rarely take refuge in tears; it is simply not in my nature.

“Pride goeth before a fall.” Terrans say this as well, and I find it most apt. My pride. Lar Gand’s fall. This was not the first time my faith in science over all ended in tragedy. Again, someone else paid the price for my arrogance. The serum that guarded Mon-El against the lead poisonous to Daxamites failed and there was no alternative treatment, so he was back in the Phantom Zone, suffering a kind of hell most sentient beings would find unimaginable. His lover Shadow Lass had been terribly injured, the victim of his lead-induced rage and my failure. It fell to me to tell her what happened to Lar, why he lashed out and was now lost to her.

A fitting penance, for my failings.

I stood outside her room on Medicus One and remembered our first meeting, her introduction to the Legion. The natives of Talok VIII suddenly became hostile, attacking passing ships with abandon. As the Shadow Champion of her home world, Tasmia Mallor requested Legion aid. We answered with a small team: myself, Cosmic Boy, Karate Kid, and Superboy, who was visiting at the time. We should have sent more, but Talok was a small unimportant world in the eyes of the United Planets. In those days the political realities did not allow the Legion to make all its own decisions. Had it been Winath or Braal, the Legion would have descended in force along with UP support troops.

The five of us triumphed regardless, in no small part due to Tasmia’s courage, training, and determination. The situation transformed from a simple investigation into a galactic threat due to the motivators behind the violence: the Legion’s most deadly foes, the Fatal Five. We each suffered injury during the conflict and were locked in final battle when Tasmia’s shadows saved all our lives at a critical moment. Five against five, and [she defeated the Emerald Empress on her own](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48826643447_7e3d599ac0_b.jpg). Few remember that, and in truth it is unlikely she could do so again. Sarya of Venegar has gained fearsome control over the Emerald Eye over the years, and her power has grown monstrous. But the fact remains.

And [I remember how Tasmia looked at me](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48826674292_49d1896293_b.jpg) as I cared for the wounds taken during the battle, and how I—too afraid, then, to allow feeling to compete with logic—willfully ignored her unspoken attraction to me. And mine to her.

Not long after that she met Lar, and she saw that he possessed more ability than I to return her feelings; and he, needing emotional support after his long incarceration in the Phantom Zone, quickly fell in love with her. I was not the only Legionnaire to understand that while Lar was the strongest among us, he depended on Tasmia utterly for his emotional stability and even his sanity. Her love for him and her ability to shoulder that burden proved a gift beyond measure, for Lar and the Legion.

[One afternoon](https://archiveofourown.org/works/565678)—not so long ago, but it seems distant now—Lar and Tasmia chose to share their love with me, an astonishing and thoroughly satisfying intimate encounter. At the time, I took it for a whim and did not think to pursue another occurrence. They were so clearly bound together, and Kara...Kara was...so very much in my heart. She still is.

If I’d sought them out again, for comfort or pleasure or any reason at all, would they have welcomed me? Would I have allowed them to console me after Kara’s death? Would I have seen earlier what was happening to Lar, granting me more time to intervene?

Recriminations and regrets. I am more human than my makers intended. During my time with the Legion, I learned that this is not a failing, but a source of strength. Even so, as I passed through the decontamination field into Tasmia’s room, I almost wished I could divest myself of emotion. But that way lies madness. I know this all too well.

Tasmia lay sleeping, the pain medications and healing balms working to treat her fearsome injuries. Though the danger was past and the worst of the damage healed, her face bore new lines of pain and stress. Yet even now, she was lovely. Nura Nal is celebrated as “the most beautiful Legionnaire” in the sensational press, because Dream Girl presents herself so. Unlike Nura, Shadow Lass does not boast of her beauty.

But it was unseemly to stand over her and think such thoughts. I stepped back to wait for her to wake, setting my mind to neglected tasks. I mentally reviewed the text of a paper Dirk Morgna intended to submit to the Science Academy regarding solar wave phenomena. Though his science was sound, the wording he chose told me that Sun Boy needed a refresher on the proper presentation of such a work. He did not appreciate the comment when I told him so later. Simultaneously, I analyzed a new theory on the nature of time travel that I meant to discuss with Rond Vidar and plotted my next move in the Galactic Semifinal Chess Tournament, which I lost the previous year to a frustratingly unpredictable Carggite. Fifty-three minutes passed until Tasmia woke and looked at me.

She knew already. But the words needed to be said nonetheless.

“Tasmia, I owe you the truth; I can give you nothing more.” Cold, too cold by half. “The serum I invented to guard Lar from lead poisoning wasn’t working effectively anymore.” The same words I said to Kal-El, even more useless here. “He would not have died, but the cumulative effects affected his mind, and I have no other antidote. He did not mean to hurt you, I am sure, but he was...no longer in control of his actions. We had no choice, and he agreed to....” The words caught in my throat. “He agreed to return to the Phantom Zone.”

In stillness, she projected an aura as silent and as coldly beautiful as the shadows she commands. Her eyes held profound depths of pain. I could no longer face her and turned to leave.

“Querl,” she said. An indecipherable tone.

She rarely calls me by name. Few of my fellow Legionnaires do. But Tasmia surprises me, even now, and I turned back to her.

She caught my eyes and held them. “If I could,” she said, “I would damn you to the brightest Talokian hell.” She drew a strained breath, and her eyes did not leave mine. “He trusted you to keep him safe.” A breath. “And so did I.”

“Tasmia—”

“No. Do not....” Shadows darkened the room, reflections of her anger. “Do not _apologize._“

I could not speak.

Her face contorted, exposing a myriad of warring emotions. I waited to be justly excoriated, expecting and perhaps needing to hear her condemnation.

But then her expression settled into resolve, and I saw what lay behind the anger. I should have remembered. Tasmia is the scion of a legacy of a thousand years, a tradition of heroic service and sacrifice. And she understands that most terrible of words: _Necessity_.

“He trusted you. And so did I,” she said, and her eyes were full of an undeserved grace. “What happened...did so in spite of your efforts, not because of them.” The tears in her eyes refused to fall, and I began to understand that her anger at me rivaled her anger at herself and at Lar.

“You gave him life. You gave me Lar. I trust you still.”

I lied earlier when I said I found no refuge in tears. I sat by Tasmia’s bedside and wept, for Lar and for her and even for myself. Her hand came to rest on my head, offering forgiveness or understanding. I had not hoped for such a gift, did not expect anything more than her hatred.

And then with my grief drying on my face and my hand in hers, I told her the rest: that I approached Kal-El about the situation, and how we found her injured, and that Lar agreed exile in the Zone was the only solution. She listened and said nothing, and her stillness exacerbated my guilt.

“Tasmia, I should have intervened earlier. I might have saved you this.... It should never have happened, I should have known!”

She considered the unwanted apology, and then she said: “Do you want me to hate you? Would that make it easier for you?”

Little enough shocks me anymore. I struggled for an answer. “I suppose...I expected....”'

Tasmia cut me off. “No. If you’re wallowing in guilt, you’re not concentrating on how to cure Lar for good. And I need you to do that.”

Time or fate may curse me for it, but I could not take away her hope. Nor would I lie. I hesitated, then leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I cannot promise you anything...but I will never stop trying.”

I felt her eyes on me all the way to the door.

### Ultra Boy

It’d all happened so fast. Mon was back into the Phantom Zone, and what he did to Shady...I still couldn’t believe it.

Mon–El is the best friend I’ve ever had. He’s stronger than me and has all these powers he can use at the same time, and he’s definitely smarter. In the old days I used to wonder if he thought I was some dumb hick kid, trying to keep up with the big boys. Here’s a guy who can move planets around one minute and discuss some bizarre science theory with Brainy the next. Tinya always said, “C’mon, Jo, you know he doesn’t feel that way.” Yeah, I did know it. There wasn’t a petty bone in Mon’s body. Dark and brooding maybe, unlike _my_ sunny personality, but never mean. He helped me feel at home in the Legion.

And the Legion saved my life. I probably would’ve been killed or worse on Rimbor—it’s that kinda place—if I hadn’t gotten the bug for adventure, accidentally flown a cruiser into the mouth of a giant space whale, and come out with superpowers.

Sure I know how that sounds, but I’m not the only Legionnaire who got his powers by accident. Least I didn’t deliberately taunt a lightning beast or drink a bottle of liquid that could’ve been poison as easily as Gingold.

But I got these powers and joined the Legion, simple as that. Good times and bad, and I wouldn’t trade a moment of it. Tinya alone...well, I don’t have to tell anyone how I feel. She knows it. The whole galaxy knows it. I fell in love with her almost as soon as I saw her, and she was the only one to believe in me the first time I was accused of being an outlaw. That wasn’t the last time, either. When you’re from Rimbor, the idea that you’re a career criminal is hard to shake.

Me and Mon, Tinya, and Shady took on a lot of missions together. People who don't understand how the Legion works ask why we'd send two of the strongest Legionnaires (except for Superboy, who wasn’t always around) on the same mission. Easy answer: Most of the time, the stuff we set out to handle needed the two of us. We both worried about the girls on those jobs, but those two ladies know how to take care of themselves. Tinya can phase out of danger, and she’s smart as a whip in a more practical way than Brainy. Shady’s a great martial artist—she’s put me down sparring a few times, and no one else outside of Val ever did that without super-strength. (Tinya absolutely forbade me to spar with Nura. I guess she thinks being that close to Dreamy would be too much of a temptation. She’s so beautiful when she’s being bossy.) And she’s perceptive, seeing things that other Legionnaires might miss. Maybe her ability to see in shadow lets her see more clearly in other places, too.

That time I was accused of murder, Shady really stuck her neck out for me. Tinya knew it wasn’t true, but Mon and Superboy tried to capture me anyway. That still stings, a little—after all those years, they might've trusted me. Anyway, [I got away from them and Shady didn’t try to stop me](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48870981241_10d919c9c1_b.jpg). Tinya told me later that Shady said she knew what it felt like, everyone turning against me. I wasn’t there but I heard about how Shady joined the Legion, the Fatal Five on her planet and her own people trying to kill her. I never really thanked her for believing in me, and I probably should.

After that was all over [Mon-El made it up to me in the very best way](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2702111). With Tinya’s and Shady’s permission, of course, wouldn’t have gone for it otherwise. Just that once, and we never talked about it again. Didn’t have to.

But this....

Me and Tinya wondered what was going on. Shady showing up with bruises, cracked ribs—it didn’t make sense. But we couldn’t believe that Mon had anything to do with it. We knew how much he loved her, how carefully he kept his strength under control.

And then Brainy and Superboy brought Shady to the MedBay, bleeding and broken, and we couldn’t not believe it anymore.

Tinya was a wreck, blaming herself for not knowing what was going on and for not helping Shady when she needed it. I blamed myself for not noticing what was happening to Mon-El. Both of us were angry at Brainy for failing Mon and not having all the answers like he usually does.

We were in the waiting room on Medicus One when Brainy came out after seeing Shady, and that was when Tinya finally lost it.

### Phantom Girl

I was upset.

No, scratch that. I was _furious._

Some friend I’d turned out to be. Shady nearly died before anyone figured out something was wrong in the first place. Mon-El hurt her and I didn’t realize it. He’d been slowly going mad and no one noticed. Legion of Super-Idiots, that’s us. Give us a galactic crisis and we can cope, but if one of our own has a problem it’ll go unheeded for months. Violet’s kidnapping, Condo’s depression, Garth’s instability, and now Mon-El—we can save the universe, but we can’t help our own.

But it was all okay. We’re the _Legion._ The best and brightest. Shining faces for the holos and let’s bleed quietly off-camera, where the public can’t see it. Brainiac 5 goes insane and nearly destroys the galaxy with Omega, so Tenzil sacrifices his sanity to stop him and it’s all okay. Luornu loses part of herself to Computo—another Brainiac 5 creation, thank him very much—and it’s all okay, because she’s still got two bodies left and never mind that Lu was never the same after.

Now the serum that protected Mon-El against lead poisoning had gone bad, a serum designed by—guess who!—Brainiac 5. Querl Dox, our resident genius.

Damn him, anyway. It wasn’t right, and it wasn’t fair!

I love the Legion. It’s more my home than Bgtzl ever was and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Most of the bad things that happen to us are part of the job. We all know the risks. But to have this come from one of our own—

What the hell was Mon-El doing, anyway? He hurt Tasmia, and he never said or did anything to stop himself—I can’t understand that. He loves her, I know he does, but he...he....

He hurt her, and I didn’t notice.

Days passed before Jo and I were allowed to visit Shady on Medicus One. While we waited, Legion HQ buzzed with anger and tension, and we couldn’t find a good honest crisis to distract ourselves. Go figure—the one time the Dark Circle or the Fatal Five would make useful punching bags, they were nowhere to be found. The gym got a lot of use as we took out our frustrations on the equipment, and parts of the HQ needed repairs after someone let off a little too much steam, _Brin_. Gim and Ayla contributed to the damage, too.

I wasn’t helping the mood, either. Maybe I should have set a better example as the most senior Legionnaire in residence, since Cos, Imra, and Garth had retired and Luornu was living a quiet life with Chuck. But I couldn’t be calm, not after what’d happened. I was grouchy and hostile and flat-out pissed off, and poor Jo caught the brunt of it.

Everyone else was having a hard time too, worried about Shady and confused about Mon-El. Dirk sent loads of flowers, which was nice despite his being a sexist pig. Even knowing she’d recover, Shady was the focus of a lot of anxiety. The Legion’s a family as much as a team. It’s not easy to think of a family member in a hospital bed. Or the other family member who put her there.

Mon-El. Lar Gand. Lost in the Phantom Zone for a thousand years, rescued by Brainy’s super-science to become one of the key members of the Legion of Super-Heroes. Incredible strength, invulnerability, vision powers, the works—an older version of Superboy. And a more gloomy one. Mon was prone to fits of depression as a result of his time in the Zone. Shady usually coaxed him out of it, which everyone was glad for—who wants a super-powered neurotic hanging around the house?

Still, no one thought Mon-El could do something like this. And they wouldn’t stop talking about it! Like all families, the Legion loves a scandal. There hadn’t been these many hallway conversations and whispered rumors since the time [Ayla found Imra and Brin on that asteroid](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48871291952_ff148d7312_b.jpg), [just about in a clinch](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48871098811_bcd3b7183c_b.jpg). That little incident drove Ayla away from the Legion and pushed Garth over the edge at the idea of Imra cheating—with Timber Wolf, of all people! They said nothing happened, and Garth and Imra are still married today, so I guess he got over it and believed her. Ayla eventually came back to the Legion but didn’t go back to Brin, which in my opinion is the smartest thing she ever did.

This was totally different, though. Shady didn’t do anything wrong! It was Brainy’s fault for his rotten serum, and Mon’s for not controlling his strength, and mine for not realizing it, and....

Damn Salu! Since her kidnapping “Shrinking Violet” was anything but shy, and she’d gotten bitter about things, too. Right in my earshot, Vi had the nerve to say it was partly _Shady’s_ fault, for not telling anyone what was going on. I would’ve slapped her if Cham hadn’t stopped me. Even Ayla, who’d gotten pretty tight with Vi, was mad at her for that one.

But the hell of it was, I wondered the same thing. Why _didn’t_ she tell anyone? Why didn’t she tell me? I’m her best friend, dammit!

I couldn’t ask her, and I wasn’t going to ask Mon. The ironic thing is, I’m the only Legionnaire who might have. A side effect of my phasing power lets me enter and leave the Phantom Zone at will. Anyone else needs to use the projector in Brainy’s lab, and he wasn’t admitting visitors. So we waited and stewed in our own anger until Dr. Gym’ll called and said Shady was healed enough to see people.

Naturally, Brainy took off without telling anyone. Probably so he could reach her first and tell her none of this was his fault. Jo and I caught the next civilian shuttle out, since I meant to take Shady from the hospital space station and away with me and Jo for a while to recuperate. Away from the Legion, and Brainy, and her quarters with Mon.

We were in the waiting room when Brainy came in, his face as expressionless as ever. Well, that did it.

“Come to look at your handiwork, _Brainiac_?”

No one calls him that. It’s always Brainy, or Brainiac _5,_ or even Querl. He’s touchy about the fact that he’s descended from one of Superman’s greatest foes. Like I said, I was mad.

But I’d shocked Jo. “Tinya! Don’t—”

Oh, I was on a roll. “Don’t? Don’t what? Blame him for the fact that Mon went insane and Tasmia almost died? Oh, no, it can’t be Brainy’s fault because Brainiac 5’s super-computer brain never makes mistakes!”

“I never claimed that, Phantom Girl. I am all too aware of my failings of late.” His voice was even, but the tone caught me by surprise, and Jo stepped in before I said anything else.

“Brainy, what can you tell us? Can you help Mon?”

I blinked at something I’d seen only twice before: the mark of tears on Brainy’s face. I stared as he said, “I don’t know, Ult—Jo. The damage may be...” he began, then stopped. “I will do everything I can, I promise you.”

Jo said, “Don’t promise me. Promise _her._“

“I already have.” Brainy’s expression was somber, but resolute. He glanced at me briefly and said again, “I will.”

Then he left, and we went in to talk to Shady.

### Ultra Boy

She looked...okay.

I don’t know what I expected. I’d been trying not to think about it too much. But Doc Gym’ll has a lot of experience patching up wounded Legionnaires, no matter how much he complains every time he’s gonna quit. He more than earned his retainer this time, that’s for sure.

Seeing Shady like that, tucked into a bed with regenerators all around, made me feel awful. I had no idea what to do or say until Tinya went over and kissed her cheek, then sat down by the bed. I grabbed a seat on the other side and waited.

Tinya’d been beating herself up about the whole thing hard enough that I wasn’t surprised when the first words out of her mouth were an apology. “Tasmia, I’m so sorry. I should have—”

Shady let out a breath, almost a laugh but without anything funny in it at all. “Querl said the same thing. As if any of this was his fault, or yours.”

Tinya scowled and started to fume again. “It is his fault. The serum—”

“—failed because it was never a permanent cure, and Brainiac 5 is a man and not a minor deity. Stop expecting him to be infallible. No one is.” Something shifted in her face, something dark and painful. “I don’t need you to place blame for me, Tinya. I know very well where it lies. And I don’t want to discuss it now.” Shady turned her head to look at me. “Jo? Are you all right?”

I really wasn’t. “Yeah. I, uh, we worried about you. Are you, um—” no, she wasn’t okay, don’t be a moron, Jo— “how are you?” I sounded like an idiot, but she didn’t seem to mind.

“Better. Thank you.”

Across the bed Tinya collected her thoughts, threw out the first dozen things she was about to say, and started over. “Shady, Jo and I talked.” Well, sort of. She talked, I agreed. “We want to take you with us on a leave of absence, as soon as Doctor Gym’ll says it’s all right. Element Lad’s already agreed he can do without us and don’t argue with me, okay? We could all use the break.”

That was more than the truth. We’d been sniping at each other over the whole thing, worry over Shady making us a little crazy. Being in the headquarters where Brainy was—and Mon had been—made it worse.

Shady nodded slowly and Tinya looked surprised. She’d probably been expecting an argument. “Where?”

Tinya hadn’t mentioned this part. “Ayla offered her family’s farm, they’ve got a cabin they'd be happy to loan us, and Winath’s really beautiful—”

“Fine.” Shady reached for the call button. “Alert Doctor Gym’ll that I’m ready to be released, please.”

On the other end a nurse groaned. “Oh, no, please don’t make me call him, he’ll go off on another rant about you Legionnaires—”

“My apologies.” Shady released the comm and quirked an eyebrow at Tinya. “I assume you have everything arranged?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Then let’s—” She sat up a little too fast, and pain crashed over her face even though she tried to hide it.

“Jo,” Tinya started, but I was already there, holding Shady up. She leaned against me, breathing deeply, and her grip on my arm would’ve bruised if invulnerability wasn’t the default state of my ultra-powers.

I wanted to—hold her, let her know it’d all be all right, but it wouldn’t. It hadn’t hit me until then just how much it would never be all right again. Tinya’s the pessimist, I’m the optimist. Usually. But grife...how was Shady gonna get through this? How were any of us?

Tinya touched my other arm and I looked at her and I knew. Because we loved each other, that’s how.

It’d have to be enough.


	2. Aftershock

### Phantom Girl

In a way, it was worse than if Mon had died.

That’s a terrible thing to say. When I thought Jo died, a couple of years ago, it felt like my heart had been ripped out and everything worth living for had vanished. Once in a while I dream that he’s gone, and I wake up clutching at him and so, so grateful to find him with me.

Shady was there for me all along.

For that and for a thousand other little things, I owed her so much. I’m...not the easiest person to get along with. But Tasmia always accepted me as I am, and during that whole horrible time she stayed with me, let me cry on her shoulder until her costume was soaked through, and never let me feel alone. No chance I would leave her now.

But it was worse because she was waiting for Brainy to call with news of a cure. That wasn’t going to happen, at least not any time soon. It took him years to figure out what was wrong with Andrew Nolan and to cure Tenzil’s insanity. The truth is...I give him a lot of grief, but no one else could do what he did. Shady was right: I was so used to Brainy saving the Legion’s collective butt that the times he failed stood out so spectacularly.

Sure, he’d work on a way to get Mon back from the Zone. He’d work on that until he succeeded or he dropped over dead, whichever came first. I wasn’t taking any bets.

Tasmia’s faith in Querl Dox runs deeper than mine. She expected Brainy to come up with a miracle in a week, or a month. And who was I to tell her that it wouldn’t happen? If it’d been Jo...I’d want to believe that too.

But Jo could never do to me what Mon-El did to Tasmia.

“The serum failed,” I get that. But I couldn’t understand why neither of them said anything or tried to get help. And Shady wasn’t talking. That wasn’t really surprising. Even with Mon she always seemed so self-sufficient, so independent. Part of her training, I guess.

Her anguish surrounded her like a cloak, but she wasn’t screaming or crying or having hysterics like I did when Jo was lost. She was folding in on herself, keeping everything so contained her own shadows might devour her and create a black hole. (I know black holes don’t work like that, shut up, imaginary Brainy-voice.)

She looked so alone even though we barely left her side.

None of this was working. Shady wouldn’t talk and holding everything in would make things worse. I’d tried talking, I’d tried taking her stargazing, I’d spent a small hoarded fortune on rare spirits and raided Winathian orchards for the ripest fruits. Old Earther films didn’t hold her interest and she was deaf to the latest Bismollian plays. When I thought Jo was dead I’d gotten stinking drunk and destroyed everything breakable in my vicinity. But Shady barely reacted at all.

I had to find another way to reach her.

The answer finally hit me. Talokians crave physical contact. Not just between lovers, but with their friends too. That made Tas a perfect match for Mon, who’d been touch-deprived for a thousand years. She and Mon occasionally...“played”...with someone they liked, though Tasmia would never tell me who.

Around four years ago I told Jo [he could get it out of his system one time with Mon-El](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2702111). I was more okay with that than I thought I’d be, because it was Mon and I knew Jo would come back to me. Which he happily did, and Mon-El never made any kind of inappropriate suggestion afterward. If Jo thought about it—well, I’m sure he thought about it—he kept it to himself. I appreciated that, I really did. I’m jealous as hell and Jo knows it and he loves me anyway.

Tasmia probably wanted to—touch me and Jo, for comfort. But I don’t...I’m not.... Gah.

I sound like such a prude. I’m not. I honestly don’t want anyone except Jo. But my friend was in such pain....

The solution was so obvious. Getting Jo to cooperate—that’d be the easy part. Getting over my own hang-ups? As long as Jo was there...I could do anything.

### Ultra Boy

There we were on Winath, supposedly resting and recuperating, but it wasn’t relaxing in any way. Tinya and I both kept an eye on Shady, waiting for some kind of emotional breakdown, but nothing happened. Shady seemed haunted and I’m sure we looked no better, watching over her.

I tried to keep a supportive face for Shady but I was having a hard time, too. Mon-El had been my best friend since we met. With time to think, it started to sink in that he might be gone for real. I couldn’t imagine the Legion without him, couldn’t imagine Shady without him. I—

Back on Rimbor friends of mine died, people I’d known since I was old enough to join a gang. Never felt as bad as this. Mon was one of the few people Tinya and I had different opinions about. She knew how close we were and she held me when I cried, but she didn’t...care about Mon like I did. They were friends, yeah, all four of us were tight, but sometimes I thought she liked him mostly because Shady and I did. And that’s fine, not everybody has to get along all the same, but it meant I was hurting in a way she wasn’t. Just as well that one of us had a clear head.

The third night, something finally broke. We’d been relaxing in the living room in this neat deep-carpeted entertainment pit. I’d told Tinya I’d love something like that in our quarters, except Brainy might have a fit at that much remodeling. A silenced vid played on one side and the fireplace roared on the other, and a half-killed bottle of potent Starhaven spirits sat between the three of us. I was lying back, trying to let the peace and quiet sink in when Tinya poked me in the ribs and nodded toward Shady. She hadn’t moved from her spot, but tears were pouring down her face. I don’t think she even knew it.

It took me a second to realize what triggered her tears. She’d been staring at the fire. Mon occasionally mentioned the cold of the Zone and how much he enjoyed a real, heat-giving natural fire. Here on Winath they used actual wood from downed trees, rather than electric or fusion or any other power source. So Shady was probably thinking about that and wishing Mon was here to share it with her.

Tinya moved over to Shady and pulled her into a hug, motioning me over. I wrapped my arms around her from the other side and then she really broke down, crying in deep wracking sobs that shook her whole body. Tinya was crying too, and so was I. Everything felt awful, the idea of never seeing Mon-El again and hearing Shady cry like that. I don’t know how long we sat there, holding each other.

After a while Shady stopped crying, but she was still shaking like a leaf. Tinya looked at me, silently telling me she was getting up, and pushed Shady into my lap. Tinya turned up the fireplace and went into the kitchen. I kept holding Shady, stroking her hair and doing my best to make her feel comfortable.

Well. I’m not a saint, okay? I’d have to be blind, or maybe Tellus, not to notice that Tasmia is a gorgeous woman. I usually didn’t think of her like that. She’s a friend and a damned good one, and as firmly committed to Mon as I am to Tinya. Sure, I’d daydreamed a fantasy or two about a Legion lady other than Tinya on occasion—Nura, obviously, and couple of memorable ones about Ayla a few years back, [after she planted one hell of a kiss on me during a midair game of tag](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48870429543_40ffbabbc2_b.jpg).

But Tinya always says I could get excited by a passing breeze, and there’s some truth in that—not that I ever heard her complain! Shady was tucked tight in my lap, and I bent over her trying not to be too obvious about being turned on. Fat chance.

Shady lifted her head, looked me in the eyes, and said my name like I’d never heard her say it before. Deep, kind of husky. I froze, not knowing what to do—

—and then she kissed me desperately, and I kissed her back. God, she tasted good—spicy and exotic, really exciting. Her hands curled around my biceps and every coherent thought left my brain. Nothing else mattered until she moaned against my tongue, “Lar....”

I started, though I shouldn’t have been surprised, and she pulled back. We stared at each other, barely breathing. I was too disoriented to speak and my brain hadn’t rebooted yet anyway. I got as far as crushing guilt about Tinya—

—who stood right there, not five feet away. Before I could move or say anything, she came over and kissed me, quickly but with a lot of intensity. Then she kneeled down next to us, Shady still in my lap, and said, “Tasmia, you know Jo and I care about you a lot. Will you let us love you?” Without waiting for an answer, Tinya took Shady’s face in her hands and kissed her.

I thought the top of my head was going to come off.

Every man’s fantasy, right? Except this was Tinya, my lover of years and years, who never ever hinted that she might be interested in this kind of thing. Tinya’s uninhibited in our bedroom, something I’m very, very grateful for. But before now I could’ve have sworn she’d never thought about this.

Their kiss got deeper by the second. Tasmia moaned and Tinya’s nipples appeared through her light robe, getting harder as they always do when she’s aroused. I think those white costumes are her way of showing off. And she wasn’t the only one getting harder, either.

After about an eternity they broke apart. Tinya gave me that little cat-smile she reserves for when she’s done something slightly improper, and I knew I’d been set up. Not that I minded! Tinya always has my best interests at heart and I was on board. But it was up to Shady.

I don’t think she could’ve spoken, even if she’d wanted to. One of her hands went up to Tinya’s face, caressing it, and she laid the other flat on my chest over my heart. Then she took my hand and Tinya’s and brought them to her lips. Her eyes closed and her tears started again. I would have said something, but Tinya shook her head, and she’s always been wiser than me.

A moment later Shady looked up, her eyes full but crystal-bright in the firelight. Without moving from my lap she pulled her robe open to the waist, dropping it from her shoulders. Message received. I drew her to me and she eagerly met my kiss, her hands stroking everywhere as Tinya’s nails ran gently over the back of my neck. She knows it drives me crazy when she does that. Much more and I wouldn’t have been any good to either of them.

I swept Tasmia up, tugging her robe the rest of the way off and laying her down on the carpet. Tinya lost her own robe somewhere while I was distracted, and the vision of the two of them was nearly enough to do me in.

But hey, I’m not Ultra Boy for nothing. I took a second to just look at them both. Beautiful. I pulled Tinya in for a kiss, loving the familiar feel of her against me, and felt her hands busy at the waist of my pants. I swatted her hands away quickly and stood, nodding toward Shady. Tinya gave me another one of those cat-grins and sank down, reaching for Shady, who reached back with more than a little desperation.

I watched them kiss while I got rid of my clothes, seeing Tinya’s fingers beginning to trace the same patterns along Shady’s skin that she liked to draw on mine. Tasmia made little noises that went straight to my few functioning brain cells, and then lower down.

Tinya maneuvered behind Shady, her hands sweeping over Tasmia’s breasts. I knelt down and kissed Shady again, and her hands came up to touch me in ways and places that no one but Tinya had for years. When her hand closed over me I gasped aloud, and Tinya leaned over Tasmia’s shoulder to lick my mouth.

I have a very agile tongue, Tinya tells me often and with great appreciation. I teased my way down Shady’s neck, over her collarbone, into the valley of her breasts. She’s a little fuller there than Tinya and I lingered awhile, enjoying the smell of her and the way she responded to my touch. Then down until I tasted her as she arched up against my mouth.

It wasn’t long before she began keening, a low sound that went on and up until her whole body shuddered. I kissed her hip and slid up as she reached for me, and I slipped into her like we’d done this a thousand times before. We moved together, Tinya’s arms around us both, until it was _there_ and it was _now_ and I exploded into her as she crested again and we collapsed.

After a moment I shifted so Tasmia could rest her head against my shoulder, my arm around her. She was still clinging to me. I trusted Tinya, but as the blood trickled back to my brain I hoped this hadn’t been a mistake. I didn’t want to think we’d taken advantage of Tasmia’s grief.

I felt better when Tasmia kissed my cheek and whispered, “Thank you.” She leaned over and kissed Tinya the same way, but with a lingering caress. I thought that might lead to something more, which was fine by me, but Shady was visibly exhausted. We’d guessed she hadn’t been sleeping well, so maybe now she finally would. She stood gracefully and headed toward her bedroom, not bothering with her robe. Then she stopped and turned back to us. “When you’re ready, would you...will you....”

She paused, and Tinya said, “We’ll be there in a few minutes, Shady.”

Like I said, she’s wiser than me.

A beat, and then I played along to give Tinya what she expected. “A few minutes?”

Tinya smiled. “Well...”

Her flushed cheeks and bright eyes were familiar cues, and her nipples stood at attention. I did the only appropriate thing: I saluted.

Her eyebrow went up. “That’s a lame-ass salute, soldier. Give me your full attention, if you please.”

So I did, and we did, and though it was fast it was as good as ever.

But my lady-love still looked a little too pleased with herself. Hmmm. “Too bad you never thought to try this before now.”

Tinya looked amused, then serious. “I wanted to get through to Shady, so...”

“No, I understand that.” I gave her a quick kiss. “What I meant was, too bad you didn’t try it while Mon was around.”

I don’t get the chance to shock her often. It’s fun. “Jo?” she gasped.

It hurt to think of Mon, but I smiled anyway at the priceless look on her face.

And before she stole the punchline from me, I pulled her into Shady’s room and we all tangled together to sleep.

### Shadow Lass

I woke from a dream of Lar and found myself in the arms of my friends.

Tinya is my dearest friend, and I know her well. This wasn’t a decision made lightly. To choose to share Jo, who she holds jealously close. To choose to share herself, when she has no interest in anyone but Jo. And Jo, who loved me so well last night, lending me his strength and granting me a deep kindness with the comfort of his touch.

They gave me a true gift, and I could not repay them with silence. They deserved answers to all their unasked questions.

Oh, my Ancestors, give me strength!

Jo shifted next to me, and then he glanced down into my face. “Shady, are you....”

“I’m fine, Jo.” Half a truth. But he looked so earnest and concerned, afraid that I might run screaming from the bedroom or accuse him of some impropriety.

So I smiled at him, and moved into his warmth. He hugged me against him and we lay together for a while, watching Tinya sleep.

I love her, I truly do. I’m not blind to her faults. Tinya is judgmental and imperious and occasionally cruel. But she is also fiercely loyal to her friends and to the Legion, dedicated beyond doubt, fearless—the litany of her virtues far outweighs her flaws, and the choice she made last night was a thing of such generosity....

I would have loved her long ago, if I thought she would accept my touch. This is a gift for the moment, not to be repeated once we leave here. But memory endures.

Memory. My dream. My nightmare. One and the same.

Like an echo I hear the last words he said to me. [“It’s all right, lover,” he said, voice as strong and kind as ever, “go back to sleep. When you wake up the nightmare’ll be...gone. I promise you. I won’t let it ever hurt you again.”](https://archiveofourown.org/works/564591)

Lar keeps his promises. Even if that meant going back into the Phantom Zone, Ancestors help him, back into that gray nothingness that he feared more than anything else in all the worlds.

No. I’m wrong.

He left to keep from hurting me further, to keep Kal-El from seeing the lead poisoning destroy his mind. His fear of failing us greater than his terror of the Zone. His love for us, for Kal and I and all of us, stronger than I ever knew.

Oh, my love. And there are those who think you weak.

Beside us Tinya yawned and stretched. Her blue eyes opened, surprised for a moment to see me before she “remembered” and smiled. It was an open expression, genuine, and it relieved me beyond measure. After all we had been and done for each other, to lose Tinya now would shatter me.

However much of me was left.

No. Never. I am the blood of Mallor, the Shadow Champion of Talok VIII. I am a Legionnaire. I am strong enough for this. I must meet Lar’s sacrifice with equal fortitude. I will bend, I will not break.

...with, as that old Earth song Kal loves says, help from my friends.

### Ultra Boy

Seeing Tinya smile always made my morning. The fact that another woman was naked in our bed made it even better, not that I’d ever say that out loud.

“Sweet waking, my dear friends.” Shady slid out of bed, casually slipping on a discarded robe as if this was any other morning. She smiled at me and Tinya and somehow, her having been with us didn’t feel awkward at all. “I’m in the mood for breakfast, and then I need your assistance with a simple ritual.”

She left before either of us could ask. Well, later then. I grinned at Tinya. “All good?”

“Yep.” Tinya cuddled into me, definitely in one of her possessive moods. I didn’t mind a bit. I also knew better than to try to figure out what she was thinking—she’d tell me sooner rather than later.

So we snuggled for a while until the smell of food came drifting through the door, and both our stomachs growled at once. Tinya giggled. “Worked up an appetite.”

“I could eat...” I said, waggling my eyebrows at her.

Tinya rolled her eyes, though I could tell she was tempted to stay in bed. We didn’t get a lot of lazy mornings like this. “’fresher, then breakfast, then whatever Shady needs.”

“Marching orders, aye.” I shooed her off to do her morning things while I found some clothes that would do for the day.

We went out into the main area where Shady laid out a light breakfast. I ate a couple of big bites to take the edge off and then said, “So, uh, a ritual...?”

Tinya kicked me under the table, but Shady nodded. “An easy one. A ceremonial cleansing to signal a...life change.” She let out a shaky breath and added, “On Talok it’s done with friends.”

“Glad to help,” Tinya said. “Should we do anything special?”

“Just help me bathe.” She smiled. “I appreciate the Winathans. They build ’freshers big enough for six.”

“There are two more Legionnaires on planet...” I said, teasing. I wasn’t interested in seeing Garth Ranzz naked. And Imra Ardeen scared me.

“I couldn’t ask for better companions than you two,” Shady said quietly. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Tinya stood immediately, so I took a last bite of a kono fruit pastry and followed them.

Turned out she literally wanted to get clean, so we all stripped down and got into the huge shower. Just about everyone in the Legion had seen the others naked, between ripped costumes and decontaminations and injuries that needed hands-on attention. Not a big deal.

This was different. I behaved, though. I washed Shady’s hair—did it often enough for Tinya—while Tinya soaped and rinsed the rest of her. But then Tinya turned Shady so she faced me.

Definitely a set up. I glanced over her shoulder at Tinya, and she nodded. And, well, I was touching Shady anyway. My hand drifted down Tasmia’s leg and up her inner thigh. “Is this okay?”

She smiled. “Not required but most welcome.”

Fantastic. I stroked the skin there, and then higher up. Tasmia clutched my shoulders and widened her stance, Tinya supporting her from behind. I thought she might kiss me but instead her head fell back against Tinya’s shoulder, hips canting forward.

I can take a hint. I touched her gently and then less gently when she moaned. I slid two fingers into her and her hips bucked.

Tinya said, “Jo, do the thing.”

Shady’s eyes were closed and she was breathing fast. “Ready, Tas?”

I didn’t say for what but she answered “Yes!” I switched to ultra-speed and vibrated my fingers, my thumb circling, and she cried out. Her inner muscles clenched so I revved up the vibration until she shuddered and pulsed around my hand. Tinya kept her from falling while I eased my hand away and washed her gently.

Shady opened her eyes, looking satisfied. “Ohhh, thank you. I need to sit down after that.” She glanced down. “And you need to finish up here.” I thought she might stay for the finale, but she reached for a bath sheet and stepped out carefully. “Take your time.”

Nice thought but no, Tinya was on me the second Shady left the bathroom. She rode me hard against the wall until we both collapsed into a puddle. “Love you, my lady.”

“Love you, my man.” Tinya leaned against me. “You know this is only for here, right?”

“Special dispensation, I remember.” I kissed the top of her head. “You’re more than enough to wear me out on a regular basis.”

Tinya pinched me hard, but she was smiling.

### Shadow Lass

I’d dressed by the time Tinya and Jo emerged into the common room. Not my usual clothing: one of Lar’s discarded shirts that draped me like a tent, and loose pants I’d found in a drawer meant for visitors. When we’d all settled, I took a deep breath and began. “I owe you both an explanation.”

“You don’t have to,” Jo started, but Tinya’s fingers flexed where she held his hand.

“I do. I can’t move forward until I’ve faced my past.” Oh, how Lady Memory would laugh at me now.

“Move forward?” Tinya asked, far more tentatively than usual.

“With the understanding that it may be...some time before Lar comes home." I held her gaze. “I will not retreat to a convent and mourn him as lost. Fate decided to separate us for now. I’m still a Legionnaire and I will not abandon my responsibilities.”

Tinya bit her lip, but she nodded.

And now the hardest part. “This is how it went.

“We’d been arguing more than usual. It started with a predictable disagreement—Lar wanted to take leave and explore the outer reaches. With the rumors of a new Fatal Five, I felt it was the wrong time to go. Lar pointed out that there was always a reason not to go, and he wasn’t wrong.

“His restlessness didn’t stop there. Food didn’t taste right, the temperature was always too cold. He wasn’t sleeping as much or as deeply as usual. He became...clumsy with his strength. Lar would turn the wrong way and bump into me or squeeze my hand too hard. Those bruises and sprains you saw truly were accidents. Every time, he blamed and cursed himself for it. His remorse deepened his depression and the pattern continued until I finally confronted him....”

_“I don’t know what’s wrong. Leave me alone, will you?” he snarled._

_“Never. And I can’t believe you’d ask that of me. Lar, please, let me help!”_

_I flinched as his fist went through the bedroom wall. “Leave me alone or I’ll—”_

_“You’ll what?” I stood my ground, knowing to the depths of my soul that Mon-El would never hurt me. “Don’t, please. Let me call Brainy, he can—”_

_“No!” He whirled around, and I shuddered again at the faint gleam of red against the blue of his eyes, the barest flare of heat. “He can’t help. He always makes things worse. Did you forget Computo? Or Omega? Or—”_

_“Stop it!” I finally yelled back, shocked out of restraint. “He’s your friend, did you forget that?”_

_“Right. Yeah. You want to help, he wants to help, everybody wants to help but no one will do what I want and _leave me alone_—”_

_Steadfast in my belief, I moved nearer. “Lar, _keraltlyn,_ my heart—”_

_A gentle swipe, meant to brush me away but in his rage stronger than he intended, and I crashed against the wall with shooting agony surging down my side. I gasped for breath and felt the sharpness of cracked ribs grind together, nearly blinding me with the suddenness of the pain. Faster than thought, he was at my side. “Tasmia—no, no, gods of Daxam—”_

_In the MedLab Brainiac 5 tended to my injury, bound my ribs and set them to healing._

_And I did not tell him the truth._

I paused for a sip of water. Tinya and Jo sat huddled together, instinctively reaching for each other against what I’d been telling them. I envied them; their love was so strong, uncomplicated.

“But Shady....” Tinya looked confused. “Why didn’t you tell Brainy? Or— or me? None of us knew, we couldn’t help....”

“Because I was wrong. You know about Lar’s depression. I thought he was going through another cycle. I...let Legion business distract me, hoping the downturn would pass.”

Jo cleared his throat. “What happened after that?”

Bless Jo’s steady strength. Especially given how much he was hurting too. “Lar was terribly upset. Hating himself for what he’d done. For the next few weeks everything was fine. I believed it was over.” I’d been wrong then, too. “He was quieter than usual. He avoided Brainy and his own scientific projects, but it made sense for him to take a break. He was very...thoughtful around me. Careful. Too much so.”

Tinya frowned. “What do you mean?”

“He was—what’s the Terran expression?—‘walking on eggshells.’ Very cautious about touching me, or anyone else for that matter. Things seemed fine otherwise, until we had another unimportant argument that resulted in some minor bruises. We were making up....”

I stopped as the memory of our last time together, that last time Lar and I made love, struck me too clearly. It was sweet, as sweet as always, until between one moment and the next he...changed. “...and that was when....”

“Okay. Okay, Shady.” Suddenly Jo was there, his arm around my shoulders, freeing me of the need to go on. I leaned into him, grateful for the reprieve.

Tinya got up to pace instead of repeating her questions. I appreciated her patience, but this needed to be finished.

I pushed gently away from Jo and steeled myself. “You both and Querl blamed yourselves for not seeing what was happening. But I didn’t tell you, and Lar....” My teeth ground together, but I forced the words out. “Lar didn’t tell anyone either. As I said before, I know where the blame lies.”

“Not on you,” Tinya retorted.

It would be easy to let Lar shoulder all the fault. I knew better. “We both thought it would pass like before.”

Tinya folded her arms. “But he’d never hurt you before.”

“Not in any significant way. But I’d been bruised before by his strength, with simple miscalculated gestures.” I shook my head at Tinya’s frown. “I never told you because it wasn’t important! They were truly accidents. This felt like more of the same until the...incident with my cracked ribs. And then I was too terrified to consider the possibilities. Not afraid of him! Afraid for him. You didn’t see his despair, or his desperation. He was frightened too.”

Jo wrapped his arms around himself, an uncharacteristic posture. “I’m scared of the same thing. I mean, of hurting Tinya.”

Tinya’s expression turned to shock. “You’d never!”

“Right! Like Mon would never.” Jo was close to tears. “But I shift my powers. My default is invulnerability, not strength. When I’m powered up, it’s hard to touch things without breaking them.”

Tinya looked unconvinced. “Kal-El didn’t break things.”

“Kal-El didn’t spend a thousand years in the Phantom Zone, unable to touch anything,” I snapped. “The Zone wounded Lar terribly, he needed physical contact. And no one knew the lead was poisoning his mind. Not Querl, not me. Not Lar.”

“Sounds to me,” Jo said slowly, “like it’s pointless to blame anyone for—for Mon being sick.”

None of us spoke for a moment, and then Tinya let out a long breath. “See why I love him, Shady? Smarter than he looks.”

“I always knew that.” I held my hands out to them both. “Can you forgive me? Can you forgive Lar?”

“Done,” Jo said immediately.

Tinya ignored my hand and wrapped her arm around me. “I will. For you.”

Jo swept us both into a hug and we were all crying again, but that was all right. I loved my friends, the Legion, my life. And Lar was still with me in heart and spirit.

“It’s time to go home. I have a favor to ask you, Tinya.”

“Anything,” she said without hesitation.

I would always be grateful for her unwavering support. “It won’t be easy. But before we leave...I need to talk to Saturn Girl.”

### Saturn Girl

Some years ago Ayla—Lightning Lass, my darling Garth’s sister—came and begged me for help. Her lover Timber Wolf went missing on a mission gone wrong, and she begged me to find him, to save him.

I’d never felt love like that, unfiltered and overwhelming. [I told her that as much as I loved Garth, it was not as...pure as what she felt for Brin](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48870559948_c51164d863_b.jpg). Until this morning, I hadn’t sensed that powerful an emotion again.

This morning, Shadow Lass asked me to help her keep her love alive.

She’d walked to the main house from the cabin where she was recuperating with Jo and Tinya. She greeted me and Garth and admired Graym in his crib, but it didn’t take telepathy to know she wanted to talk to me. After brief pleasantries, I led her out to one of the field benches where we could speak privately.

Tasmia and I were always cordial toward each other, but rarely close. Inevitably, Rokk and Garth and I are set apart by virtue of being the Legion’s founders. All Legionnaires are equal, but we’re accorded special respect. That deference proves useful at times. But I always admired her devotion to Mon-El and the Legion.

Mon-El and I became friends when [I invented the serum that first enabled him to leave the Phantom Zone](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48864957377_e652083cc4_b.jpg). A short-term treatment at the time, but it formed the basis for Brainy’s longer-lasting antidote—n[o matter how often he proclaims it his sole creation](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48969146057_660bc049f9_b.jpg). (He says it more to needle me than as a statement of fact. His unique way of showing affection. I’m fond of him too, so I let him get away with it.)

I offered to return to Earth and help Querl with the reformulation. He declined, not out of pride, but from a sincere belief that he would need to start from scratch and create a completely new antidote. “But I appreciate your being available to consult,” he’d said, a marked change from previous refusals.

“Any time,” I told him, meaning it.

Once we’d settled on the bench, Tasmia said quietly, “I don’t think I ever thanked you for your part in freeing Lar from the Zone.”

Right to it, then. “It was a temporary solution, and before you joined.”

“Nevertheless. Your work inspired Querl to create his formula.” She smiled briefly. “Or perhaps ‘challenged’ is more accurate.”

I smiled as well. Querl has few friends comfortable enough to use his name. But I remembered Tasmia’s admiration of him when she first joined the Legion, and [a significant measure of patience with his eccentricities in the years since](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48968986006_c2ee9b589c_b.jpg). “He’ll never stop trying.”

“Yes. And I will never stop believing he’ll succeed.” Almost inaudibly, she added, “I can’t.” She looked me in the eye. “That’s why I need your help.”

“I’ve already begun thinking about new solutions—”

“Thank you for that. But something else first, before it’s too late. I need you to help Lar...hold on.” I tilted my head in query and she continued, “He didn’t speak often of the Zone, but he told me enough.” She shuddered. “He was very clear that he would not tolerate another exile. The Zone is unchanging and so are those trapped there—nothing affects them. But there are rumors of places where that reality becomes...thin. A vortex where even the immaterial discorporates. If he’d found one, he would have chosen...”

“Dissolution,” I said, when she couldn’t finish.

“Yes. I fear he will seek out such a place, soon, and surrender to the void.” Though she sounded composed, every muscle in her body screamed of tension. “I need you to convince him to hold on. For me, for Querl. For himself.”

I knew what she was asking. “If he consents,” I started.

Tasmia didn’t let me finish and her resolute tone left little room for argument. “Even if he doesn’t. I claim right of guardianship, given Lar’s history and mental state. His medical directive attests to this.”

I would have said the same if Garth or Graym were involved. “It’s not a matter of legality,” I said carefully. “Telepathic ethics—”

Her wry expression stopped my half-voiced reservation. “You are justly famous for doing what must be done. Even when every stricture stands against you.”

She wasn’t wrong. The Legion archives clearly document a number of...expedient measures I’d taken over the years: telepathic intrusions, mind control, post-hypnotic suggestions, and other egregious violations of both the Legion code and Titanian telepathic law. [I forced the early Legion to vote me in as leader](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48865210532_fe7db559ca_b.jpg) to try to save Garth from Zaryan—a vain attempt to evade fate. I made Kal-El forget specific memories of the future numerous times, not always with his consent. I freely invaded minds to protect the Legion from threats without and within. [And worse, not documented in any chronicle because only I remembered the sin](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48871382298_66d50d5423_b.jpg).

Tasmia didn’t press her case; she knew I understood the stakes. She watched me while I contemplated her request. An implanted suggestion, urging—perhaps compelling—Mon-El to reject the possibility of suicide. Thereby condemning him to eternal exile.

“The projector?” I asked, and she nodded. The decision wasn’t in question, only the details. “I’ll travel with you back to Earth. I agree time is of the essence. I’ll go into the Zone with you—”

“And Tinya as a guide.”

“Good idea. We’ll find Lar and determine his state of mind.” I held up a hand to forestall any protest. “He’s my friend too, Tasmia. I’ll look into his mind with your proxy consent. What I find there will determine my actions. I...can’t take away a final recourse if he truly has no hope. Any suggestion strong enough for that would eliminate free will, and I must respect his autonomy. But if he’s willing, I can bolster his survival instinct and sense of hope for as long as Querl—or any able scientist—remains dedicated to working on a cure. Beyond that....”

She considered my stipulation, clearly a painful compromise. “Beyond that would be torture. I...accept your terms. Thank you, Imra.”

It might have been the first time she’d used my name. “The Legion cares for its own. I’ll be ready to go in half an hour.”

### Phantom Girl

Saturn Girl came back with us from Winath. I’d thought she’d retired for good, but I couldn’t fault her willingness to help.

The attempt might be futile, but I kept my mouth shut about that. For once. Tasmia and Jo both deserved whatever optimism I could muster. Even if I had to fake it.

We moved fast once we reached Earth, quick transport to Legion HQ and straight to Brainy’s lab where he stood ready with the Phantom Zone projector. I kissed Jo, heard his good luck wish, and phased directly into the Zone.

I hate it here. Any sane sentient does. Even my people avoid this dimension, while we freely pass through other realms without care. The Zone...hates. And it’s cold, not like space cold, but a chill that freezes your soul. It was a miracle that Mon-El came out of it mostly sane. Or maybe his psychosis had been waiting to erupt.

Shady and Saturn Girl appeared a moment later. I didn’t give them time to adjust; they wouldn’t. I started the telepathic refresher. **Okay, remember you can’t touch anything and nothing can touch you. That’s good news, since the residents are mostly insane criminals. Powers can be tricky—Shady, your shadows might dissipate faster than usual. But everyone’s telepathic here and natural psychic ability is enhanced, which means Saturn Girl is probably the strongest being in the Zone right now.**

The far-away look on Imra’s face meant telepathic scanning. **I can ‘hear’...everywhere. Too much. Strongest isn’t necessarily best.** She winced. **A lot of vile thoughts. But Mon-El shines like a beacon.**

**Great. Use that like a tether. There’s no real direction or distance or propulsion, it’s all strength of will.** I glanced at Shady and sent a private thought, though with Imra around nothing was really private. **Doing okay?**

She gave me a grim look. **Ask again later.**

Right. We followed Saturn Girl’s lead, our experience with telepathic earplugs and flight rings making the weirdness of the Zone slightly more manageable. Thanks to Imra’s enhanced power we moved faster than I’d ever gone through the not-space. She tracked the psychic beacon like Dawnstar, heading on a direct course toward Mon-El.

We found him “sitting” on a formless eddy of mist. He looked resigned but not surprised. **I knew you couldn’t leave well enough alone.**

I bristled on Shady’s behalf but held my thoughts close while she moved toward him. **There’s nothing well about this, love. And I swore I’d never leave you alone.**

Mon-El’s face was a mask of misery. **I left you to keep you safe. I’m asking you to honor that.** His head snapped sharply to my right. **Imra, I feel you poking around in my head.**

**I wasn’t trying to be subtle,** she said calmly. **Lar, I can help you survive this. If you let me.**

**That assumes—** He stopped, looking broken. **Turn your attention elsewhere. Tasmia and I need to talk.**

I wanted to listen in very badly but I followed Imra’s cue and moved away. I tried to guard against stray thoughts but, well, try _not_ thinking about the elephant, as Dirk likes to say. Whatever an elephant really is. He showed me a picture once but I think he tried to fool me with a holo of a ridiculous imaginary creature.

**That truly was an elephant,** Imra said. I glared at her and she made a sign of apology. **Sorry. It was a very loud thought.**

I let it go. Right now everything was about Mon deciding if he wanted to live. That would never be a question with Jo.

Tasmia turned to us. **Imra?**

Saturn Girl drifted toward them and they exchanged more telepathic conversation I couldn’t hear. Fair enough, I wasn’t part of this decision. I could only wait and hope.

Finally Lar nodded. He didn’t look happy, but a lot of tension fell off Tasmia’s shoulders. It’d be a long difficult road but if he held on, Shady would too.

Imra concentrated, her eyes staring into his. Her power became visible here, a sort of shimmering aura around Lar’s head.

It didn’t take long. Lar breathed in deeply despite the lack of air and said, **You all need to go. Power draws attention.**

He didn’t need to say any more. Imra and he exchanged a brief private conversation and then he turned to me. **Thank you for taking care of Tasmia.** The slightest smile crossed his lips.

Oh, hells. The Zone was everywhere, of course he’d been watching Tas. So he saw....

Nothing he hadn’t seen before. Get a grip, Tinya. **I always will. Me and Jo both.** Maybe not in the same way, but he understood my vow.

**Tell Jo I love him.**

**He knows,** I said softly. And...dammit. **We love you too. Stay...stay, Lar. As long as you can.**

He nodded. **Thank you, Tinya. For everything.**

He didn’t make me any promises, but I wasn’t expecting any. All his promises were for Tasmia.

I was crying, Tas was crying, even the Ice Queen was leaking. Lar glanced at me one more time. **Smile when you call her that.**

I let him have the last word. It was the least I could do.

He went to Tasmia and they spoke again, leaning in close to each other but unable to touch. I don’t pray, Bgtzl doesn’t have gods, but I sent my wishes toward whatever benevolent deities might be listening, and Tasmia’s ancestors too. Bring him back to Tasmia, bring him home safe to all of us. I’d...I’d be easier on Brainy if it would help. Even if it didn’t.

Lar made a gesture from his heart toward Tasmia. She returned it, a declaration of commitment. He turned and moved away quickly, intent on drawing away whatever bad guys were coming.

And then we were back at the “border,” and Tas and Imra vanished as the projector brought them out. I didn’t linger and stepped back into reality. Jo held Tasmia in his arms and to hell with what anyone else thought, she could sleep in our bed for as long as she needed to.

We were Legion. Somehow, we’d make it through.


	3. Afterward

### Where is Mon-El?

_The Daily Planet, July 18, 2986, Interlac Edition_

It’s been over three months since Lar Gand, better known as Mon-El of the Legion of Super-Heroes, has appeared in public. Legion-watchers claim he has not entered or exited the Legion’s headquarters, nor has he been reported present on Legion or solo missions around the galaxy. The apparent disappearance of the Legion’s most powerful member has generated unfounded speculation and alarm.

In a statement, Science Police Liaison Officer Shvaughn Erin said only that his whereabouts are a Legion matter. Gand’s long-time companion, Tasmia Mallor of Talok VIII, the Legionnaire Shadow Lass, could not be reached for comment.

In addition to his heroic deeds in service with the Legion, Lar Gand of Daxam is perhaps best known for his thousand-year exile in the Phantom Zone...

### Shadow Lass

And then I faced the possibility of the rest of my life without Lar.

The rest of the team met me with kindnesses and condolences, as suited their natures. I resisted the urge to remind them, again and again, that Lar was alive. But not forever. He’d decisively tempered Imra’s open-ended reinforcement with a qualification: **Only as long as those I love are alive. No longer.**

I couldn’t fault him for that. The Zone is an endless, loveless hell. He’d waited a thousand years for the first cure, only possible because Superboy traveled to the future—our time—and through Imra and Querl made good on his promise to see Lar free of the Zone. But travel through the time stream was becoming more difficult, and none of us were immortal.

Our quarters had been cleaned and repaired, but I couldn’t bear to stay there. I did accept Tinya’s offer of a bed, but only to sleep and for two days. She and Jo needed their privacy.

I claimed a small, unused room previously destined for a new Legionnaire. It was...difficult, sleeping alone after so many years. Waking alone. Bathing alone. Knowing Lar might be watching me at any moment, and unable to see or speak to him.

But Legion business required attention as usual. I refused to allow Element Lad to place me on light duty. I found it better to keep busy, hunting villains and assisting the Science Police with various matters.

I promised myself and Lar that I would not haunt Querl’s lab, constantly asking about his progress. When he had something to report, he’d tell me. And his other projects required his time, critical Legion technology upkeep and upgrades, in addition to his work with Rond Vidar and Circadia Senius at the Time Institute as well as other scientists across the galaxy. Five minutes of Brainiac 5’s time saved years of work, either in his proposing a new approach or definitively declaring some hypothesis a dead end. An hour of his attention won his associates awards for innovation and discovery, with proper credit for his insights.

He was spending far more time than that on a new serum for Lar. Without Lar and Imra in residence, only Dirk and Nura regularly visited his lab, for solar and biological technologies respectively. I trusted Dirk to give me straight answers, [the legacy of a fleeting intimacy a few years ago](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2702357). He promised to let me know when Querl inevitably overextended himself. We all knew the results of his tendency toward obsession. It rarely ended well.

So when Dirk shot me a significant look during an evening meal, it was time to end my self-imposed banishment from the lab.

The other reason I’d stayed away was the simple fact that I couldn’t help. The science was far beyond me. Querl’s robotic alerts told him when to eat and sleep, with safeguards in place he couldn’t ignore. I would be at best a distraction and at worst a hindrance.

Or perhaps I’d become too accustomed to being continually needed.

The lab door opened to my touch, so he wasn’t locking the world out yet. Querl’s hair had grown long, always a warning sign. A thankfully empty plate lay discarded on the floor. The robots hadn’t swept it away because they were all working, mixing chemicals and combining substances in search of a new compound. A new cure.

Querl said without turning, “Unless you’re bleeding out, the auto-doc should suffice.”

“I’m not hurt.”

His head whipped around so fast I feared for his vertebrae. “Shadow Lass. I—I don’t have anything yet.”

“I assumed. It’s fine. I wanted to check on you.”

His eyes narrowed. “Dirk.”

I smiled. “We’re all familiar with your habits. But yes, he was concerned. Now I am too.”

Querl waved a dismissive hand. “I’m sleeping. I’m eating.”

“Not enough of either, I’d guess.”

He sighed, a frustrated sound. “It’s—it’s the lead, it’s so pervasive, anything strong enough to inoculate Mon-El against it would itself be poisonous. But I’ll find a way.”

“I know you will. But Lar wouldn’t want you to work to exhaustion, and neither do I.” I picked up the discarded plate and took it to the recycler. He watched me perform the menial task and said nothing.

I turned to face him. “Your shoulders are creeping up to your ears. May I touch you?”

He paused for a long moment before he said, “All right.”

I moved behind him and laid my palms flat on his shoulders, then gave a slight squeeze to gauge the tension. He didn’t quite jump, but the rigidity of his muscles told their story. “Relax if you can.”

My fingers are very strong after years of massaging super-dense flesh and tendons like inertron. Even moderating the pressure, I felt both resistance and the desire to let the tightness go. “Breathe into it. ...Good. I’m surprised the medical scanners haven’t recommended routine deep-tissue manipulation.”

“They have,” he muttered.

No surprise. “There are years of stress layered here. You should take their advice. Or I could—”

He’d been leaning toward me, and I realized how much I wanted to keep touching him. To work that tension out in any way he’d allow, to slide my hands down his chest—

I pulled my hands away, shaken. “I...overstepped.” And then, to my shame, I fled the lab.

### Brainiac 5

I stared at the space where Tasmia had been. There was further work to be done this evening, but my concentration was utterly shattered. That hadn’t happened since—

I will not compare Tasmia to Kara. That would be neither fair nor appropriate.

And Kara was a thousand years gone.

I always knew her fate. And willfully, blindly, chose to ignore its inevitability. Rond and Circadia Senius both warned me, but I ignored their well-meant advice. How could I not love Kara Zor-El? She captured my heart before we ever met.

She taught me lessons more important than the pure pursuit of intellect: the nature of heroism and sacrifice, and what desire meant, and how it felt to truly love another person. But I am damnably self-aware enough to understand that loving Kara was...easy. By necessity her trips to the 31st century were few, a handful of perfect moments when I could touch her. The rest of the time I stole glimpses through the time viewer and marveled at her deeds and tried not to hate her other dalliances. She never faulted me for mine.

When Tasmia joined the Legion I was deep in self-imposed solitude, aside from Kara’s infrequent visits. Few others breached those walls: Lyle, Imra, Rond, Lar. I found common ground with them in the laboratory, which created an undemanding camaraderie that grew into friendship. I otherwise held myself apart from the Legionnaires who held no aptitude in the sciences—at first out of Coluan pride in my superior intellect and later merely out of habit.

A poor attitude for a Legionnaire. I am not alone in noting this.

In time I grew comfortable with my teammates, even if I still find that affection difficult to demonstrate. I believe some of them feel more comfortable with me as well: Cham, Dirk, Jan, Projectra, Mysa, and even Nura, despite her more annoying mannerisms. And Tasmia....

Tasmia always held faith in me.

She refuses to believe there is no cure for Mon-El. I obviously agree—I must, to pursue the work with my utmost effort. But I don’t know why she feels so, or why I earned this trust from her.

Perhaps because I’m the only one who can help, and she must hold to that expectation?

That was distressingly plausible, yet felt not at all probable.

My judgment has proven unreliable in these matters. After a sleep cycle I might consider the question with a clearer eye...but I doubted it.

### Shadow Lass

In my room I tried to compose my thoughts. Lar and I had discussed this. Telepathic communication in the Zone was much faster than speech, and we’d compressed a day’s worth of conversation into my brief visit. It hadn’t been enough, would never have been enough.

But Lar insisted I shouldn’t be alone, whether that meant pursuing a continuing relationship with Jo and Tinya, or someone else. He specifically mentioned Querl, referring both to our mutual seduction years ago and my fascination with him from the beginning. “Or anyone you like,” he’d said, giving his sanction.

But knowing that and acting on it were different things. Querl rarely indulged in short-term liaisons. He’d been surprisingly easy for me and Lar to seduce...but he never gave any indication that he would like further exploration. He remained devoted to his one great, constant love: Kara Zor-El, the legendary Supergirl. [They shared a mutual attraction from the moment they met](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48969195647_8fcb7ae73a_b.jpg), but Querl being Querl, he’d turned that affection into obsession. He watched her in the past through the time viewer and loved her when she visited our time, but those episodes were few and far between.

Witnessing her death—was that merely a few months ago?—[shattered him](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48968987156_371e76a3b8_b.jpg). He’d sought comfort from no one, never spoke of her after that day. He’d been...Brainiac 5 as usual, irascible and solitary and irreplaceable.

We’d both lost our dearest loves—his to time, mine to the Zone. While I held hope of Lar’s return and always would, Lar was sincere in his desire that I should move on with my life in any way I saw fit. He kept no illusions about the possibility of a cure; I could not let go of mine.

And yet.

Any relationship with Brainiac 5 would be...difficult. Lar became deeply enmeshed with his projects, but Querl took his preoccupation with work to extremes. He would not be as attentive or considerate as Lar. I would, most likely, be left to my own devices far more often.

And yet.

[My attraction to him never waned](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48876121432_981d5facdf_b.jpg). Deferred, yes, by my relationship with Lar. But always present. My people...are drawn to power. [Mon-El could move a white dwarf star with his bare hands](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48969270602_c3c38e8bc8_b.jpg), but only Brainiac 5 could calculate the precise trajectory and stabilization needed to bring it to Earth without destroying...well, anything more than his lab. Two very different men. Two very different kinds of power. Both worthy.

Nothing needed to be decided tonight, but sleep was out of the question for the moment. Tinya and Jo had their privacy indicator on, so I went down to the rec room to see who else might be up. Vi and Ayla sat close together on the couch, cozy but not intimate. Not yet, I thought. But getting there, and I was glad for them.

They were deep in conversation. I cleared my throat. “May I join you?”

Vi looked toward Ayla, who smiled and held out her hand. “You’re always welcome, Shady.”

I reached for her hand as I sat, and she squeezed my fingers briefly before she let go. “Thank you again for the use of your cabin.”

Ayla nodded as her kind eyes met mine. “Any time.”

Vi cleared her throat. Her voice held a hint of roughness and would never regain the high sweet tone she’d had before the kidnapping. Truthfully, I thought it suited her now. “We’re glad to see you back, Shady.”

I smiled at her, but my hands clenched tightly together. “I’m glad to be here. So tell me, what gossip did I miss?”

Ayla’s clear, bell-like laugh brightened the room. “We can definitely help you there. Wait ’til you hear the latest rumors about Sensor Girl!”

Vi rolled her eyes in exasperation and in that moment, the Legion began to feel like home again.

### Phantom Girl

I knew something was up when Tasmia asked me to join her for a late lunch. We went to an atrium high above Metropolis for what they used to call “high tea.”

We ordered tea and scones and I couldn’t wait any more. “Spill.”

Tasmia looked me in the eye. “First, I discussed this with Lar and he agreed. Remember that.”

That sounded ominous. “Okay....”

She didn’t hesitate. “I’m considering—hmm, how would you say—starting a relationship with Querl.”

Two responses immediately fought for my voice and I blurted, “Brainiac 5?!” I slapped both hands over my mouth to keep anything else from jumping out.

Tasmia actually laughed at me. “You are predictable and I love you for it.”

I sighed through my fingers. Mistake! The other thought slipped out. “So soon?!”

She coolly sipped at her goldenmelon tea. “All done?”

I dropped my useless hands. “Not even a little. But you start.”

“You know I’ve always been attracted to him.”

“I remember,” I muttered. “I thought you—” and then I bit down on my tongue. Hard.

Tasmia arched an eyebrow at me and made a come-on gesture. “Say it.”

“Traded up,” I said through the taste of iron. “Ow.”

“Your own fault for not simply speaking your truth.” She gazed out over the plaza. “Most did, I think. [Luornu...resented me at the time](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48969102871_30097f9480_b.jpg) because her crush on Superboy went nowhere.”

Sometimes I hate my pale skin. Shady saw the blush on my cheeks and raised her eyebrows again. “Something to share?”

Only a decades-long held secret. “[I kissed him once](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48969112456_3152d924be_b.jpg). Before Jo. Maybe more than once.”

She stared at me. “No. Really? And you never told me? Share. Every detail.”

I crossed my arms. “Later. Maybe. Your thing first.”

Tasmia shrugged. “I’m not asking your advice or permission. I didn’t want you to be blindsided.”

“More than this?” I muttered. “Okay...but...you still hope Mon can come back.”

“Always.”

“So if Brainy succeeds...what then?”

She considered for a moment. “Then I suppose I’ll have a harem.”

I screeched. Literally made a noise high-pitched enough to startle the birds.

Tasmia nibbled on a scone, cool as you please. “I _am_ a barbarian princess, Tinya. I’m owed tribute! Let’s see, a blond and a brunette...add Dirk for a redhead....”

She was teasing. Mostly. I wouldn’t put anything past her, though. “And you think Brainy and Mon would put up with that?”

Tasmia smiled and my jaw dropped. She was _positive_ they would. That meant...I didn’t want to know what it meant.

But I didn’t have to. If she wanted...and Mon agreed.... “You already know what I’d say about Brainy and relationships. Brainy _in_ relationships. So all I can say is...good luck.”

“Do you mean that?”

I threw my hands up. “I can’t really understand. But I want you to be happy.”

Deadpan, she said, “I promise I won’t make you and Jo double-date.” She sighed, her expression turning more serious. “It won’t be easy. My relationship with Lar wasn’t either. He needed so much, and I was happy to give him everything. I still would, Ancestors willing. But I’m not...made to be alone, Tinya.”

I reached over and took her hand. “None of us are. Not even Brainy.” And I’d promised to be nicer to him. I had to live up to that now.

On the way back to HQ I thought about what she’d said. She and Mon...I would’ve bitten my tongue clean off before I said it, but I’d worried about how hard she’d worked to keep him stable. Brainy wouldn’t be any easier.

But Tasmia Mallor loved a challenge. If she believed she was ready for it, I’d support her all the way.

### Brainiac 5

The next time Shadow Lass entered the lab, the question fell out of my mouth before I could stop it. “Are you pursuing a relationship with me to inspire greater incentive to bring Mon-El back?”

She slapped me. Stunned, I stepped back.

“How dare you.” The words were flat, dispassionate.

I shook my head and dropped into a chair. “Tasmia, I’m sorry. I apologize, truly. The stress...and....” I looked up at her, feeling very young. “I don’t know why you’d want to touch me again. I’ve caused you nothing but grief.”

“Do you remember,” she said, voice very low, “when we met on Talok VIII?”

“Yes.” I did, with the painful clarity that accompanied my perfect memory.

“You didn’t understand why I followed you back to the Legion headquarters, then. Do you now?”

All my vaunted intelligence deserted me when trying to navigate this type of conversation. “So long ago, Tasmia. So much pain since then. Lyle and Mon-El and Kara....” My voice broke on her name, as always.

Tasmia’s hand closed over mine in a fierce grip. “Paths not taken. I would have loved you then, if you’d allowed me to. But that’s not what this is about.”

Maddening, not knowing. But I came to terms with my failure to understand these things long ago. “Then what?”

“I have faith you’ll find a cure for Lar. You won’t stop trying, because he is your friend and you love him too. I _know_ that, Querl.” Her eyes were very intent. “But in all your philosophy, is there no room for comfort? Or desire for its own sake?”

Back then? No. Now...time and circumstance had amended my personal ideology, often for the better. Still, I could not ignore the phantom who might very well be observing the room as we spoke. “But Lar—”

“Is it written by your people that you may love no more than one person in your lifetime, or more than one at a single time? I’d hoped—” she broke off. After a moment she withdrew her hand and into herself. “Forgive me, Brainiac 5. I won’t intrude again.”

My memories of Lyle and Kara rose like disapproving ghosts. The idea of a return to solitude, a refusal of solace, became suddenly intolerable. “Please. No. I—you startled me, I never thought...”

The laugh that tore from her throat was almost genuine. “That would be a first.”

I smiled weakly. “I suppose so. But I have always been inept about these things.”

She arched an eyebrow. “I beg to differ. You were in no way inept that day with me and Lar.”

Not for the first time, I wished for greater control over my autonomic nervous system. My blush was probably visible from yards away. “Tasmia, please.”

I had rarely seen Tasmia simultaneously as strong and as vulnerable as she was in that moment. “There needn’t be any commitment now. I simply want to know if you’re willing to give me a chance.”

My mind started making lists of pros and cons, logically ordering the variables in pursuit of the most optimal answer.

I ignored it and reached for her.

### Shadow Lass

Querl took my hand.

It was a start.

**Author's Note:**

> [In 1999, I started writing fanfiction.](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Dannell_Lites_Archive/profile) As the note below indicates, this was the very first fic I ever started. For various reasons I never finished it.
> 
> _Original file note (2000): ...this is the very first fic I began writing, immediately after I read Dannell’s “Mon-El” last year ..._
> 
> Nineteen years after I last touched it, I opened this fic file again. In committing to finishing it, I decided to a) use as much as possible of that original work (~8,500 words, originally titled “Aftermath”) and not stress about rewriting it; b) incorporate Dannell’s notes and addendums; and c) tie it into existing fic (both mine and Dannell’s) to establish a mini-continuity. I hope she would have approved. Any flaws or contradictions lie squarely on my shoulders.
> 
> This fic contains improvisations on previously unpublished notes and suggestions by Dannell, hence the co-author credit.
> 
> This story and series assumes that some Legionnaires are occasionally polyamorous, usually in circumstances involving stress or comfort. (Or just because they wanted to.) The usual couples stand (Jo/Tinya, Lar/Tasmia, Querl/Kara), with the following additions as noted below.
> 
> This patched-together continuity flows as follows:
> 
> * Backstory post-SLSH 239: [Someone Borrowed/Someone Blue](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2702111) by me (Jo/Tinya, Lar/Tasmia, Jo/Lar)
> 
> * Backstory circa early Levitz era, pre-Crisis: [Movements of Fire and Shadow](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2702357) by me (Tasmia/Dirk)
> 
> * Backstory circa early Levitz era, pre-Crisis: [Anamnesis](https://archiveofourown.org/works/178299) by me (Querl/Lyle) [my first fic]
> 
> * [Mon-El Sequence 1] Backstory circa early Levitz era, pre-Crisis: [Brainy’s Lab and What Happened There](https://archiveofourown.org/works/565678) by Dannell (Lar/Tasmia, Lar/Tasmia/Querl)
> 
> * [Mon-El Sequence 2] Immediate precursor, AU version of LSH v3 23: [Mon-El](https://archiveofourown.org/works/564591) by Dannell (Lar/Kal-El, Lar/Tasmia, Querl/Kara) [Dannell’s first Legion fic]
> 
> * [Mon-El Sequence 3] This fic by me with Dannell (Lar/Tasmia, Jo/Tinya, Jo/Tasmia/Tinya, Tasmia/Querl)
> 
> * [Mon-El Sequence 4] Not long after: [Passing the Love of Women](https://archiveofourown.org/works/564743) by Dannell (Tasmia/Querl)
> 
> Though unrelated, this fic also echoes elements of “Special Dispensation” by Bonita del Rio (Tasmia/Tinya), “Lar” and “Lar Part Two” by Dannell (Jo/Lar), and “Solace” by me (Tasmia and Jo).
> 
> **telepathy**
> 
> SPOILER NOTES. Read after the fic.
> 
> Confession: I’ve been a Shady/Brainy shipper since her first appearance and their obvious mutual attraction. [The scene with Lady Memory](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/48876121432_981d5facdf_b.jpg) ("your heart's desires," with the images of both Mon and Brainy)--years after Shady joined--validated my premise. Dannell opened the door and this story was always intended to bring them together. 
> 
> The sequence in the Phantom Zone is liberally adapted from LSH v3 #23 [1986].
> 
> “I will not retreat to a convent”—yeah, bite me, 5YL.
> 
> * [Bonus] At the end of [Passing the Love of Women](https://archiveofourown.org/works/564743) by Dannell, I’ve added her note to me about a possible resolution and a potential story opener: raw, unedited, and generously offered.
> 
> Inspirational picture: from LSH v6 #4 [2010]  

> 
>   
  



End file.
